Church Signs

The following are Real Signs on Church Property

 

 

Free Trip to heaven
Details Inside!

 

 

 

Try our Sundays
They are better than Baskin-Robbins

 

 

Searching for a new look?
Have your faith lifted here!


An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands
holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments
are inscribed and a headline that reads:

 

"For fast, fast relief, take two tablets"


When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said,

Open Sundays

The church reciprocated with its own message:

We are open on Sundays, too

 

Have trouble sleeping?
We have sermons-come hear one!


A singing group called 'The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.
When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read,

 

The Resurrection is postponed

 

People are like tea bags
You have to put them in hot water
before you know how strong they are

 

 

God so loved the world that he did not send a committee

 

 

Come in and pray today
Beat the Christmas rush!

 

 

When down in the mouth, remember Jonah
He came out alright

 

 

Sign broken
Message inside this Sunday

 

 

Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily

 

 

How will you spend eternity?
Smoking or Nonsmoking?

 

 

Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives

 

 

Come work for the Lord
The work is hard, The hours are long and the pay is low
But the retirement benefits are out of this world

 

 

It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin

 

 

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church

 

 

If you're headed in the wrong direction,
God allows U-turns

 

 

If you don't like the way you were born,
try being born again

 

 

Looking at the way some people live,
they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon

 

 

This is a CH_ _ CH. What is missing?
----------> (U R)

 

 

Forbidden fruit creates many jams

 

 

In the dark?
Follow the Son

 

 

Running low on faith?
Stop in for a fill-up

 

 

If you can't sleep, don't count sheep
Talk to the Shepherd


The Pastoral Services Department

 

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A Dozen Christmas Roses

 

Bobby was getting cold sitting out in his back yard in the snow. Bobby didn't wear boots.  He didn't like them and anyway he didn't own any.  The thin sneakers he wore had a few holes in them and they did a poor job of keeping out the cold.  Bobby had been in his backyard for about an hour already.  And, try as he might, he could not come up with an idea for his mother's Christmas gift.

He shook his head as he thought, This is useless, even if I do come up with an idea, I don't have any money to spend,

Ever since his father had passed away three years ago, the family of five had struggled.  It wasn't because his mother didn't care, or try, there just never seemed to be enough.  She worked nights at the hospital, but the small wage that she was earning could only be stretched so far.  What the family lacked in money and material things, they more than made up for in love and family unity. Bobby had two older and one younger sister, who ran the house hold in their mother's absence.  All three of his sisters had already made beautiful gifts for their mother.

Somehow it just wasn't fair.  Here it was Christmas Eve already, and he had nothing.  Wiping a tear from his eye, Bobby kicked the snow and started to walk down to the street where the shops and stores were. It wasn't easy being six without a father, especially when he needed a man to talk to.

Bobby walked from shop to shop, looking into each decorated window.  Everything seemed so beautiful and so out of reach.  It was starting to get dark and Bobby reluctantly turned to walk home when suddenly his eyes caught the glimmer of the setting sun's rays reflecting off of something along the curb. He reached down and discovered a shiny dime.

 

Never before has anyone felt so wealthy as Bobby felt at that moment.  As he held his new found treasure, a warmth spread throughout his entire body and he walked into the first store he saw.  His excitement quickly turned cold when the salesperson told him that he couldn't buy anything with only a dime.

He saw a flower shop and went inside to wait in line.  When the shop owner asked if he could help him, Bobby presented the dime and asked if he could buy one flower for his mother's Christmas gift.

The shop owner looked at Bobby and his ten cent offering.  Then he put his hand on Bobby's shoulder and said to him, You just wait here and I'll see what I can do for you.

As Bobby waited he looked at the beautiful flowers and even though he was a boy he could see why mothers and girls liked flower.

The sound of the door closing as the last customer left jolted Bobby back to reality All alone in the shop, Bobby began to feel alone and afraid.  Suddenly the shop owner came out and moved to the counter.  There, before Bobby's eyes, lay twelve long stem red roses with leaves of green flowers all tied together With a big silver bow. Bobby's heart sank as the Owner picked them up and placed them gently Into a long white box.

That will be ten cents young man, the shop owner said reaching out his hand for the dime. Slowly, Bobby moved his hand to give the man his dime.

Could this be true?  No one else would give him a thing for his dime!

Sensing the boy's reluctance the shop owner added I just happened to have some roses on sale for ten cents a dozen. Would you like them?

This time Bobby did not hesitate, and when the man placed the long box into his hands, he knew it was true.  Walking out the door that the owner was holding for Bobby he heard the shop keeper say, Merry Christmas, son,

As he returned inside, the shop keeper's wife walked out. "Who were you talking to back there and where are the roses you were fixing?"

Staring out the window, and blinking the tears from his own eyes, he replied, "A strange thing happened to me this morning. While I was setting up things to open the shop, I thought I heard a voice telling me to set aside a dozen of my best roses for a special gift.  I wasn't sure at the time whether I had lost my mind or what, but I set them aside anyway.  Then just a few minutes ago, a little boy came into the shop and wanted to buy a flower for his mother with one small dime.

"When I looked at him, I saw myself, many years ago. I too, was a poor boy with nothing to buy my mother a Christmas gift.  A bearded man, whom I never knew, stopped me on the street and told me that he wanted to give me ten dollars.

"When I saw that little boy tonight, I knew who that voice was, and I put together a dozen of my very best roses.  The shop owner and his wife hugged each other tightly, and as they stepped out into the bitter cold air, they somehow didn't feel cold at all.

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